McCoy on Movies: The Intruder

THE BACK STORY: Imagine being in love and finding your dream home? Well, that’s what’s happening for Annie (Meagan Good) and Scott Russell (Michael Ealy), which is why they can’t wait to move in once the home’s former owner Charlie Peck (Dennis Quaid) is out. Charlie has grown up in the home and as the story develops, it becomes clear that he doesn’t seem to really be ready to no longer be its owner and caretaker, let alone have anyone else fulfill those roles. 

Thus, as Annie and Scott are about to find out, a house is not a home when the previous owner isn’t ready for anyone else to take it over. 

THE REVIEW: Forty-seven minutes in. That’s when I began contemplating should I walk out of The Intruder or not. Which is a problem given that (a) That’s not the thought I’m sure the film’s cast and crew wanted anyone to have watching the movie and because (b) There’s at least another 50 minutes of the movie left from that point.Let me be brief: The Intruder is bad. Like, really bad. I could spend a long time picking apart all the things wrong The Intruder … And since the filmmakers felt compelled to make to put them all out there for the world to see, I might as well break it all down for the world to see as well in hopes they chose NOT to suffer the same fate I did.

In 2019, any man with any common sense is not going to spend time discussing Megan Good’s appearance as even saying that she is an attractive woman seems like a way to open yourself up to a host of criticism. However, watching The Intruder, her character’s sweet, seeing the good in everyone nature comes off as naïve to the point of being well, stupid or, to put it nicely, about as smart as the average non-ethnic teenager in an 80s horror movie. Is this progress that an African-American lead can come off as smart as a woman running in high heels or doing her best Bryce Dallas Howard impression? I don’t know; what I do know is that Good’s character feels like she was stolen from a bad Lifetime movie. I don’t mean the modern ones, I mean the ones that comedians used to make fun of before Lifetime got hip to its own foibles.

Ealy tries his best to come off as the somewhat smarter of the two – which one could argue makes Good’s character look even worse by comparison since her male counterpart is the one “smart” enough to see what’s happening” – but in doing so he comes off looking like exactly what his character fears: The man who can’t keep his lady safe. In an era where beards and tattoos reign supreme, Ealy’s character’s intellect actually comes off as his potential downfall. But that’s only because of the man who makes The Intruder a horribly bad-yet-so-bad-it’s-borderline-comedic-genius of a movie.

Quaid. Dennis Freakin’ Quaid.

There have been plenty of movies that actors have admitted they did for the most ludicrous of reasons. Michael Caine in Jaws 4. Morgan Freeman in London Has Fallen. And the less said about Nicolas Cage’s reported love of dinosaur bones. Hell, Cedric the Entertainer admitted to me in an interview I did for a revered-yet-now-deceased publication that he did the utter-debacle that is The Cleaner because he got to take his family on a nice vacation to Hawaii. While I await the interview where Quaid reveals why in the world he did THIS movie, his performance is so ridiculous that it deserves its own documentary or, at the very least, a mock ESPN 30 for 30.

As it comes to pass in The Intruder, Quaid’s character is given a reason for his bonkers behavior; given the events of the film, one can’t help but wonder if Quaid himself may be suffering from a similar fate for him to be involved with this utter debacle of a film. (Maybe this article could give some possible explanations?) But BOY OH BOY does Quaid go all in as Charlie Peck.

In one of the greatest over-the-top performances not seen since the aforementioned Cage’s turn in that nuclear waste of a remake of The Wicker Man, Quaid’s performance finds him twitching, shaking, clenching his fists … And doing the craziest sexual thing you may ever see him do in a film that could change how his fans see him forever. Let’s just say I’m sure this man approves of a scene that is sure to become a meme or .GIF if not both in the near future. I cannot – repeat, CANNOT – give you enough detail as to how insane Quaid’s performance is. If he’s not a Razzie nominee, he might deserve an Academy Award as he might be the best Marvel villain to never chase after Infinity Stones, Wakanda or try to stop a teenager from thwarting his plans to take over New York City. (You watch the movie and tell me you can’t help but think what Quaid might have done as Venom. Sorry Tom Hardy.)

Throw in a script that could NOT be more predictable with direction that could NOT foreshadow what’s going to happen more unless the director literally told you and The Intruder is the type of film you watch to go talk to the screen. The Intruder‘s best shot for success won’t come in theaters, however, at least not for a while – for director Deon Taylor may have created an experience that, much like Tommy Wiseau’s The Room, needs to be experienced with others to enjoy as you talk, laugh and make fun of it.

If this were an episode of House Hunters, it would definitely be the episode you wouldn’t want to miss. Unfortunately for Good, Ealy and Quaid, it’s supposed to be a thriller – which is why the fact this movie will intrude on audiences’ wallets this weekend is a travesty in and of itself.

OVERALL RATING (OUT OF FOUR POSSIBLE BUCKETS OF POPCORN):